is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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