i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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