she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
