After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
