Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
