it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You have to summon your inner elephant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
