I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
two words...techno handjob
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
