I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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