Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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