Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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