GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
