What a fucking waste of an outfit
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
