My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
