I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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