you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
