the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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