Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
