in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
