I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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