You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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