her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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