New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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