Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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