i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
