I cut my penus on the lid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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