On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
