i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He shit in the fireplace
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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