i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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