I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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