just tell him i said nine months
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
