He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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