and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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