I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
