All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
