he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
