every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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