On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
