Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
