Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
