I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
