what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I understand Curling. That high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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