Plan B is the new Plan A
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
