i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
