Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
