im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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