I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
