Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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