I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
