were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize