Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
