somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
