ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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