In America we eat man semen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
