she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
