my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
