i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
