Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
