Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
