What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
