I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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