I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
