i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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