wanna go halves on a baby?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
