lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
