If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
