cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
